Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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