Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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