apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
