He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
