I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
