help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
