Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
