My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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