You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
