He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
