she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
