I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
