I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to make out with him forever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
