Just fell off a train. Bad.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
