It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
