Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
