And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
