Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
