There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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