I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
