i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
