two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
