remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
