i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You made out with two different species that night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
