Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
