I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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