How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
