Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
