I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
