..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
