I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
