1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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