Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
