Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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