OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
