is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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