Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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