It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
