You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
