Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
