mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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