All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
