I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize