hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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