do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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