Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
