i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
