I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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