Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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