I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
