i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
