I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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