Can i not drive my cunt home
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
