we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
