She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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