I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
