It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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