i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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