My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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