..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
