You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
