we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We have started to decorate penises.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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