K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
