I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
