i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
