Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
