I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
