i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
