I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
