"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
