Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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