Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
