Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
