I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am naked and annoyed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
