You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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